How to Cope with a Bad Day

How to Cope with a Bad Day – Excerpt from The BDD Family book by Eva Fisher, PhD

Initial Post to the BDD Forum:

Today I’m having a bad day. I am depressed and I’m thinking nonstop about my appearance. I look in the mirror and see an ugly face. When I’m having good days, I always tell myself to ignore everything I see and think when I’m having a bad day because it’s not real.

It’s really hard to do that though when I look in the mirror and actually see a horrible face. I hate not knowing who the “real me” is. I try my best to ignore my thoughts and especially mirrors, but it’s hard. How do you deal with it?

Reply by Fran:

I’m sorry you had a bad day… you started a thread I was intending to start, how to manage these bad days that erase all hope. Today I am having one of those also. When my boyfriend was here, I had him close to talk to, and he we would try to joke and get my mind off of things. He got me hoping for the future and telling me all the nice things we will do and have then.

Here are some ways I manage a bad day:

1. Occupy yourself with house tasks – cleaning, laundry and cleaning places that never seen sunshine before. Diverging your mind onto something else. You can also do something creative that you know can capture your attention for some hours, drawing, writing, playing games.
2. Perform physical activity – Get your running shoes on and go for a jog, or even a walk. Slow pace, breathe deeply, observe the yellow leaves, listen to their crunching below your feet. Look how the sun looks like diamonds in the water reflection.There are several positive functions in doing this: the light has a positive influence, endorphins influence our well-being, relaxation, focusing on the beauty that naturally exists there, and realizing what a tiny part in all this we are. Be in it, not outside of this beauty. As much as it’s mine, it’s all yours.

3. Draw attention onto somebody else – since I live far away from family I try email them in my hard moments to tell them how much I appreciate them. I cuddle and play more with my cat, give her extra love and extra good food.
4. Avoid taking the load out on somebody – Like today, I avoided speaking about my sadness to my boyfriend, because I don’t want it to occupy too much place in our relationship, I think I already do it too much. It is hard when he insists on how I am feeling, but after its done, I feel that I can be strong to handle my problem myself also.
5. Do take your load off on somebody – If the person is somebody that loves you and wants you to share your problems with, then speak openly. They can make you smile, do activities with you to take your mind off the hard day.
6. Make plans for tomorrow/next week – Make a diet or exercise plan, something for yourself to feel better. Maybe book in a day to go to the psychiatrist. Even if the plans are hard to follow through, making the plans gives a hope in itself.
7. Create a nice environment around yourself – My way of handling a really bad day right now:

• I light 3 candles, I put on relaxing music, I make a cup of tea and dress in a cozy bathrobe. I sit, alone, and let thoughts come to me. I let them sweep over like a wind that I know comes in circles. And notice that it is here again. I just let it come.
• Make a hot bubble bath for yourself, and intend to stay there minimum 1 hour, in candle light of course.
• If you’re a girl, paint your nails, these small things can help, if only a microliter.
• I made a proper diet and exercise plan, and prepared portions of food, protein drinks, etc. for a whole week.
• I super cuddled the cat the poor thing.
• Eventually I will fall asleep.

What will happen next day is a Russian Roulette. And if you have planned your day on a manageable level, use positive thinking, self-encouragement and a little self-pressure yourself, the ball might land on your number.

Get Exercise While Listening to Music

I wanted to add something to my answer that I thought about today jogging.

While outside, what really helps me to get my thoughts away from negativity such as “people looks funny at me”, “I think it was me they laughed about” paranoid behavior, I bring my little iPod with my encouraging music, I place the headphones deep into the ears, I put on loud sound, I put on my sunglasses (without works ok also) and I walk on the streets looking only at the beauty around me.

I don’t look at any person, or car. I live into the music, and I sing along (not too loud). You will never meet somebody’s look or hear a laughter or feel strangely perceived, because you just walk there and you just don’t care. I feel so good in those moments, because I got no clue whatsoever what happens around me.

Just check out for cars when you cross the road and so on.

Running and Coping with BDD

Usually I do this when I go out and run. People here has it as a national sport to comment on every person jogging by them. Not necessarily something negative, mostly sexistic, but they catch your attention when you just want to be left alone and do your workout.

So this works perfectly for me. I can run and breath as loud as I want and need because I can’t hear myself how loud it is = not feeling self-conscious = no need to hold back. I don’t look at the people I run by, I don’t see if they talk to me or whatever they do. And when I am home, I am fully at peace, plus feel wonderful after a tough run.

I am not encouraging these methods of avoidance as a cure, but as management, so that you don’t feel scared of going out taking a jog or walk which feels so good.

We have the power to influence our minds. Remember what you are worth in this life, what you want from it, and keep fighting. You will get there one day.

Dr. Eva’s book The BDD Family: Coping with Body Dysmorphic Disorder in a Peer Support Group is available to purchase. Learn more about the book here.